My Night of Mud Wrestling Orcs and John Green

January 18, 2012 § 8 Comments


Our meeting. Re: my hair. Keep in mind I’d just battled Orcs in the rain.

Last night, I attended a reading and speaking by the author with musical and comic relief by his brother Hank Green. To clarify, I didn’t mud wrestle John Green. Maybe I wrestled with Orcs, but more on that later. The event was brilliant. He read from his new book, The Fault in Our Stars. It’s about two teenage cancer patients. I don’t say muchabout John Green on the blog here, but am huge fan and kind of have a brain crush on him, which is probably why I don’t talk about him. It’s best to not mention author crushes too often, talk to them, look them directly in the eyes, or try and hug them. Especially if you’re a woman and they’re a man. I mean…unless they just happen to be huggers and they want you to hug them. BECAUSE I COULD TOTALLY DO THAT. Ahem. 

 Leaving my husband by himself with our three children for the evening takes a lot of orchestrating with homework/dinner/bath time rituals, so I starved off getting ready until the last possible moment. I was in our closet getting dressed when my husband came in. I showed him my outfit.

Me: This look okay?

Husband: Um…it’s kind of…short…maybe.

Me: I wore it to church Sunday. You didn’t say anything then.

Husband: It looks different tonight.

Me: The leggings I wore Sunday are dirty so I just have to wear regular tights with the dress. I can’t wear dirty leggings.

(For those of you uninformed on women’s leg ware, tights are panty hose and pretty sheer. Leggings are more substantial – a pair of tight pants to wear underneath the dress. I’ll go over cinching and at least three different types of scarf knots in the next blog post. You are welcome.)

Husband: Who are you wearing all this for?

Me: DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY JOHN GREEN? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

Husband: ….

Me: Look, if Salma Hayek ever comes into town, you can totally wear whatever you want. I wish she were here in town right now, but I don’t have any control over Salma Hayek. I’m sorry. John Green is here. Now.

Husband: ….

I started digging around in the dirty hamper, because marriage is about putting your spouses comfort before your own, kids. Please don’t feel bad for me. I can dish out the stare that conveys a thousand words just as well as he can. I pull it out of my arsenal after the second hour of Skyrim playing has begun. 

Me: I’ll never impress John Green with dirty leggings.

Husband: (from the other room) I heard that.

Me: This is a ridiculous conversation. John Green is married.

Husband: So are you. 

Anyway. I got to the event very late, and it started pouring as I walked in. Great. I’d never dazzle John Green from afar with very wet hair, looking like I’d just battled Orcs in the mud. I got there, found my friend Crystal (who provided the picture. THANKS, CRYSTAL!) and we sat down in the back of the auditorium just as it all began. All silly thoughts of leggings and Orc wrestling melted away and I just got quiet. It’s hard to explain seeing someone you admire in person (even if it is on a stage).

When I went to the Decatur Book Festival and saw Libba Bray speak, she was beautiful, hilarious, and brilliant. Everything her books are, she was in person. John Green was exactly the same: intelligent, sharp, serious, but hysterical. While the crowd screamed around me, I sunk into my chair, ready to soak all the words in. One thing that stands out in my mind is what he said about writing our heroic experiences. This is paraphrasing, and he sounded a lot more intelligent, but he said that through the course of our life, our adventures will be on a much smaller scale. We’ll live these small acts of heroism in the ways that we take care of others and ourselves. It was wonderful.

At Libba Bray’s book signing this summer, I was oh-so-eloquent with, “Flarm… Hamina… Thanks.” I learned my lesson and actually shared the Salma Hayek story, thinking any man would enjoy being likened to Salma Hayek. He certainly laughed and said to tell my husband he thought my outfit appropriate and thanked me for coming to his reading looking so nice. That’s when I made my exit, stage right, with a stammering “harka…yarm…gotta go.”

If you haven’t read any of John Green’s books, please check them out. This particular book tour is also raising money for Look to the Stars, a children’s cancer research fund.

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