A Year of Scary Living
December 28, 2011 § 12 Comments
I’ve never really made New Years Resolutions. Nothing against them or people who make them, but I just don’t think I’ll keep them simply for the sake of “HEY. IT IS A NEW YEAR.” Also, I want to live every day like I’m “taking the world into my arms” (from my favorite Mary Oliver poem) and that phrase just about sums up everything I hope to accomplish in a resolution.
This year is different. I turn 29 in January – the final year of my twenties. The past two years, I’ve adopted a “DO THINGS THAT SCARE ME” mentality. I’ve loved it. I’ve hated it. I’ve done things I wouldn’t do again. I’ve done things I’d repeat in a heart beat. I’ve discovered a lot about myself and still have so much more to learn.
My resolution – and I’m not going to call it that – I’m going to call it A Year of Scary Living – is to intensify what I’ve done. Times a jabillion (actual number).
Most of you read about the guitar I got at Thanksgiving. Before the year is over, I want to feel comfortable and
competent enough to play it in public. If the public will have me. If the public won’t have me, I’ll put myself playing on youtube. But let’s shoot for the kind of public humiliation that can’t go viral. Yes? A Year of Scary Living.
You all might roll your eyes at this, but I guess I consider myself something of a humorists. In high school I loved being in plays and performing on stage. Give me a sheet of paper and a character and I’ll memorize the words and practice the delivery until it is hammered into perfection. I would like to combine the humor with the onstage aspect this year and do some standup comedy. If the standup world will have me. If it won’t, I’ll put it on youtube. A Year of Scary Living.
The following isn’t huge because I’ve been doing it all along, but I want to write EVERY DAY and not feel guilty about the time it takes away from my family. I think I use my family and the guilt as an excuse not to write sometimes. My youngest is SO BORED with only me around in the mornings before I go to work. Sure, he enjoys the one-on-one time for a while, but most days he asks to go to school with his older siblings. So I’m giving up feeling guilty and putting him in school for ONE MORNING (baby steps) a week. I will use that time to sit in a coffee shop and write. A Year of Scary Living.
The final thing might not seem that scary to some of you, but it is for me: I want to be more fashionable. I know, I hear the collective “Whaaaaaat?” across the internets, but I’m a big fan of “safe” and clothing falls into that category. In person, I’m quite shy and my clothing kind of reflects that. I don’t do daring things with colors or patterns and jewelry just hasn’t seemed sensible with extreme child-rearing. My work isn’t the type where I really have to dress up. Most days I’ll wear a nice pair of jeans, a basic shirt, and a cardigan. My building is cold and maybe I’m a grandmother. Long story short, I LOVE looking at cute clothes and accessories, but am just too scared to make any kind of fashion plunge. It’s so much easier to go with what I know than take a risk. I’m welcome to fashion suggestions or tips. I stalk modcloth.com and ordered this dress from them.
WOULD TOTALLY DO IT AGAIN, but it was such a “Is this cute on me? What shoes should go with it? What jewelry? WHAT IF I DO IT WRONG?” These things shouldn’t be so stressful, but I’m uncomfortable with lots of attention and the wrong kind of attention would just be GAH. NOBODY LOOK AT ME. I’M CLIMBING INTO A HOLE. The Stud and I were walking around Target one evening, being our regular sexy selves. I saw a display for ULTIMATE CARDIGANS and told him, “That is what I need. Not just a cardigan, but an ULTIMATE CARDIGAN.”
So, this is my Year of Scary Living 2012: Guitars, Comedy, Putting my youngest child in school so I can write for one day WOW that’s a mouthful to say, and Fashion. More items might be added. Like a body building competition.
Stay tuned! Thanks for reading. You’re all beautiful!