Hints Your Child Might Not Want to Play Intramural Soccer

February 25, 2011 § 13 Comments


I am far too imperfect to ever tell another parent how they should handle their child. Oh no. I don’t possess that kind of gall. I do have a mediocre soccer ability and am fortunate other adults let me help during intramural sports. The children involved are fun, at varying levels of soccer experience, and possess energy a dog with a red rubber ball would envy. I’ve noticed that one young lady might not be enjoying the experience. If you, as a parent, wonder if your child should be playing intramural soccer, here are some small indications she might be better suited for another extra curricular activity:

1. She blatantly says, “I really don’t want to be here.” Or “I hate soccer.”

2. She tugs on her coach’s arm every five minutes and says, “It’s hot. I hate being outside. Can I go get water now?”

3. She brings a bouquet of wild flowers to her coach and says, “I picked these for my mother because this drill is boring. Can I go give them to her and then wash my hands because they got dirty?”

4. She raises her hand at the beginning of a drill and says, “I don’t  get what we’re supposed to do.” The coach has explained it, but she explains it again and demonstrates it for the girl after which the little girl raises her hand and says, “I still don’t get it.” The coach asks her to go to the end of the line and watch the drill until she understands. After two or three players go, the little girl comes back to the front shouting, “I GET IT NOW.” The coach is thrilled but asks her to go back to her place in the line. “But I get it now,” the little girl replies. The coach is still happy, but wants the children to stay in line (it is possible the coach is being a hardass). When the little girl raises her hand again, the coach twitches on the inside, but smiles. “Can I go tell my mother I get the drill?”

5. She gets upset when there is grass or dirt on her clothes. 

6. She asks to be on the defense because there isn’t much running.

7. She asks to be goalie because there is even less running than a defensive position.

8. She gets tired of standing as goalie and lies down on the grass.

9. She complains the grass is too scratchy while lying down.

10. She screams when she sees a bee.

11. She screams when she hears a bee.

12. She asks if she can tell her mother she saw and heard a bee.

This little girl does have that perfect extra curricular activity out there for her, she just has to find it. Trial and error. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Hippie Stuff. Basket weaving without the prickly sticks or making crowns out of flowers. No bees, no mud, no drugs (Well, they might mellow her out a little. You will forget I said that *waves hand*). Her mother should be readily available to dote and fawn over everything she makes.

2. An art class. One that would preferably involve little to no art supplies as it could get on her hands and clothes. She’d also need a stool with a back to it. If she sat in a backless stool for long, she’d start to complain her back had nothing to rest on. She’d then ask to lay down on the floor to rest her back. And then she’d complain the floor was too cold or too hard, could she stand instead? And then she’d complain her feet were tired, could she sit on the stool again? And then she’d…

3. Music class. Not an instrument that recquired any breathing control like the flute, clarinet, saxophone, trumpet, etc. She’d get winded. Maybe an instrument that still sounded pretty even for beginners. A xylophone.    

4. Cooking classes. She probably shouldn’t stir anything for long. Her arm would get tired. She couldn’t be around an oven or stove top either now that I think about it. That would be too hot. Nevermind about the cooking classes.

5. A welding class

5. Hourse back riding

5. Karate. She couldn’t spar with the other children, but would wear the super-cool Gi and belt.

6. Lego club. Honestly, this might work. No winning, no losing, air conditioned, the chairs would most likely have backs, and when her fingers got tired she could show her mother all her progress. There’d be snacks. I like it.

There’s a place for everyone in this world and she will find her spot. And her soccer coach is more than happy to continue teaching her the foundations of the sport if it is what she wants to learn, but the little girl has made it very clear that she does not enjoy it. At all.

Still, her coach rejoices in her small triumphs and is excited when she gets her foot on the ball.

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§ 13 Responses to Hints Your Child Might Not Want to Play Intramural Soccer

  • Laurie says:

    I would be rolling on the floor laughing, but I would get dirty! Thanks for starting my morning off with a very good laugh.

  • Anne Kenny says:

    Bahaha oh, you. This is too funny. I’ll have to send this to my hubs who does sponsorships/marketing for a soccer park.

  • Tawna Fenske says:

    LOL, I played soccer in high school and wasn’t terrible, but the same can’t be said of my first experience with the sport when I was 6. No one actually informed me there was any particular direction I was supposed to kick the ball, so I was delighted just to kick it. The opposing team tended to appreciate when that was in the direction of my own team’s goal.

    Tawna

  • Trisha Leigh says:

    Hahahha, nice! I’ve seen those kids, the one picking their noses on one end of the field while everyone else runs back and forth? Priceless.

  • Oh my gosh, that was me! Well, the sport was softball, and I was pretty lame as skill goes, and it was middle school so I didn’t pick my nose, but yeah… That was me… That would be my six-year-old daughter, too. Especially the flower part. 🙂

    Too funny!

  • Love it. I am 9 years older than my youngest brother and I have visions of himplaying little league at 5 or 6 years old. There was a lot of sitting down and running in the wrong directions. 🙂

  • Simon L. says:

    My son at four years old preferred to run in circles and lie on the ground when we signed him up for soccer at the Y. He did, however, form a crush on one of the little girls on his team, so I suppose it wasn’t for nothing.

  • Linda G. says:

    LOL! I so would have been that kid if my mom hadn’t been perfectly happy to let me spend all my spare time with my nose in a book.

  • Ardee-ann says:

    GREAT post, should be required reading for all parents. Too many parents see their children as an extension of themselves and try to live vicariously through their children. BAD IDEA!

    Kids need to be seen as the special people they are and not small versions of their parents. They do not live to be what you were or weren’t as a child. They have their own paths and their own destinies.

    Thanks again for your post.

    Cheers,

    Ardee-ann

  • Maine Character says:

    Great post. I was forced to play T-ball and Little League, even though I hated it and once threatened my mother with a snake so I wouldn’t have to go. But all the other kids were doing it, and I was forced to fall in line.

    It’s great to try different things and stretch one’s boundaries, but it’s not good to put your child where they’ll be publicly humiliated. I liked archery and hiking, but there were no teams or lessons for that.

    I hope that girl finds the place to expand her skills and interests.

  • Pretty smart, Harley. Maybe you could jot a note with these suggestions on it, and ask the girl to take it to her mom?

  • Anne Riley says:

    YOU ARE HILARIOUS. That is all. Oh, and I love you. Okay, that’s really all.

  • Jen Stayrook says:

    I played soccer in high school and we did similar things. Instead of running, girls would ride scooters around the neighborhood. Most of the time we could be found picking weeds or playing a riveting game of “Would you rather…” It wasn’t that we didn’t even like soccer–most of us loved the sport–we just sucked, so we had no motivation to get better. 🙂 I loved this post though.

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