What to do in Sante Fe
October 27, 2010 § 13 Comments
Hello blog friends. There is someone I would like you to meet: Jeffe Kennedy. I met Jeffe on twitter. We haven’t been friends for a long time, but I have enjoyed tweeting with her. She is a happy, infectious person. I really like her. This means I should make fun of her author photo. It’s been a while since I’ve done a roast and Jeffe has foolishly graciously volunteered.
Take a good, long look at Jeffe’s author photo. This is what she’s giving the world. This is her “brand.” It is who she wants us to see. She’s got the care-free, hair flip going on. Her hands look like they are enjoying what the rest of her body is doing. Her smile is lovely. All of these things are true. It’s a fun photo, but I’m just going to come and say what we’re probably all thinking: Jeffe is high. She is as high as a kite.
She is toked up and created Woodstock 2010 in her back yard. Obviously the photographer took this picture before the body paint and mud slide action started going down, but she’s high. There’s a good reason Jeffe is wearing sunglasses and it has nothing to do with protection from the sun’s harmful rays. Nope. No way. Those eyes are blood-shot and probably shifty from paranoia.
I’ll be honest, I’ve actually never been high. Really. I have seen the movie Dazed and Confused and listened to Steve Miller Band’s, The Joker more than once though. Both those things make me an expert on recreation drug use. Clearly Jeffe gets high and has a love free for all in her back yard. This is what prompted her fourway forray into erotica writing. This is true of all romance/erotica novelists. They are sexual deviants. I can tell.
This is also true of all habitants of Sante Fe. I’m sure that some of her neighbors have to call the police from all the noise her Reefer Loving Madness creates. Jeffe is smart, though. She answers the door with the sunglasses on and has a list of ready explanations and conversation starters. She knows how to divert the responding officer’s attention.
“No, occifer, we’re not doing anything illegal.”
“That smell? It’s incense.” She shows the police man a crystal around her neck. “We’re becoming one with our chi.”
“It’s for medicinal purposes only.”
“Has anyone ever told you that you have got the most beautiful aura? You glow of positivity. It’s all yellow and bright. No. I’m not high.”
She’s lying of course. If those excuses don’t throw him off the track, she’s got one tucked away that trumps all the others. It is accompanied with her finger traced down the police man’s chest. “Hello, officer. I’d like to report a crime. Someone here is guilty of being entirely too sexy…”
Jeffe Kennedy has a long and intimidating line of publishing credits and is the author of the novel WYOMING TRUCKS, TRUE LOVE, AND THE WEATHER CHANNEL: A WOMAN’S ADVENTURE. She writes erotica under the name Jennifer Paris. You can visit her website here and follow her on twitter here. She’s never been to Woodstock.
I’d like to apologize to Jeffe, tokers, romance writers, erotica writers, and all the citizens of Sante Fe. If you would like your photo roasted, please ask. People need to be mocked.