I’m a real estate genius

August 26, 2010 § 11 Comments

We’re trying to sell our house. I’m not an idiot (this is a lie) and realize there are zillions of homes on the market. Now that my older two children are back in school, I’ve spent an exhausting amount of time organizing clutter, replacing light fixtures, painting bathrooms, and plenty of other odd things to make our home more appealing. Our house has to stand out. I’m fairly confident I have a genius (read: stupid) idea that will set our home apart from all the other ones for sale.

Several years ago my family and I took a trip to Germany. We had a great time with a lot of fun memories, but what stands out most was something that simply shocked me. I was in a German supermarket, looking through a display of DVDs. There were a lot of American films all grouped together. I saw Die Hard, The English Patient, Harry Potter, porn, another Harry Potter film, wait – PORN?! Right there in the middle of the Harry Potter series was a pornographic video. I assumed it’d been put in the wrong area and picked it up with the intent of tossing it behind the curtained porn section of the store. I didn’t want one of my husband’s young cousins to find it while perusing Harry Potter films. Only there was no porn section. They simply had all the pornographic films intermingled with the regular movies. I was shocked. It was something different. Something memorable.

How do I plan on making my house different? How will I make it stand out to all its perspective buyers? PORN! No, not really (my husband and realtor won’t let me). BOOKS. When buyers walk into my living room with beautiful hardwood floors and updated light fixtures, they’ll see my book shelves. Maybe they’ll walk over and see what books I have. Maybe I’ll group books that have no business being together right next to each other and when buyer sees GOODNIGHT MOON right next to Stephen King’s UNDER THE DOME, they’ll be intrigued. They’ll remember my house.

I went through all our books and staged them for maximum shock value. The odder the juxtaposition, the better. Here is what I came up with:

Aidan Donnelley Rowley’s LIFE AFTER YES is sandwiched between THE ALPHABET OF MANLINESS and THE LAST OF THE MOHICANS.


Jeff Somer’s THE DIGITAL PLAGUE looks excellent with a DICK AND JANE book, Hemingway’s THE SUN ALSO RISES, Flannery O’Connor’s A GOOD MAN IS HARD TO FIND, and THE POWER OF A PRAYING WIFE.



Sean Ferrell’s NUMB fits in nicely with Dante’s INFERNO (I pronounce it infwarno and suggest you do the same when reading this blog post) and LEAD LIKE JESUS.

Tawna Fenske’s book, MAKING WAVES, doesn’t come out until next year, but just in case our house is still on the market then, I have a special place set aside for it between Marjeeta Geerling’s FANCY WHITE TRASH and Frank Portman’s KING DORK.

I’m 82.5% positive this will help sell our house. If your home is also on the market and you’d like me to stage your bookshelves, I’d be happy to.

Now. Who would like to buy my home?

§ 11 Responses to I’m a real estate genius

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