Hodge Podge Blog

March 22, 2010 § 9 Comments


 As the title implies, this is a Hodge Podge Blog. Say that three times fast. Now say it with a British accent. Everything sounds better with a British accent. Unless you are Viggo Mortenson. If that’s the case, say it with a dirty, Russian accent (Hi Gramdma).

 A couple of things: 1.) I am crazy. 2.) I began hard core edits (as opposed to soft-core edits. Hi Mom.) on my manuscript this morning. There is a workshop I’ll attend in June and I want it nice for the lovely author and editor (from LittlefreakingBrown) who will look at it. 3.) My mother and grandmother just found out about this blog. They’ll be surprised. 4.) There are a few pieces of mine up at other places. The delectable Army of Ermas I contribute for is really taking off. Our very own Erma, Amy Mullis, received a writing award from Erma Bombeck’s Writing Workshop. Way to go, Amy! Please check her out as well as the piece I wrote My Husband, the Robot. 5.) I did a guest spot about characterization and how I study people. In it, I tell a little story about pregnancy. Go read it. Now. I’ll give you something pretty. Keeping in the theme of pregnancy, I comprised a little list about things you should not say to pregnant women. Enjoy.

 Should you be walking around?

You’re going to have your hands full.

You’re tired? You should take a nap.

You haven’t had that baby yet?

You’re fat.

Can I touch your belly? (and then the person just goes ahead and rubs away)

You’re going to gain a lot of weight these next few months.

You don’t look pregnant when you sit like that, just fat.

You do know how this is happening right? (implying you know nothing of birth control)

Wow, that’s your due date? I thought it would be sooner.

I could tell you were pregnant when I saw you from behind.

You’re pregnant again? You must not have T.V at home.

Are you keeping it?

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§ 9 Responses to Hodge Podge Blog

  • Anne Riley says:

    Oh, goodness, you make me laugh! And I love that your mom and grandmother just found out about this. I have to be super careful about everything I say online because there’s a good chance my students will find it at some point. In fact, a couple already have. It’s exhausting, editing myself to that point. Enjoy the freedom you have. =)

  • Hee. I can’t believe there are so many people who aren’t properly frightened of pregnant women! I know I am. A close friend of mine had a baby a week ago. The last two months I have been especially accommodating and meek in her presence. LOL.

    Good luck with your edits. You’ll be great. I’m here if you need another set of eyes 🙂

  • Penelope says:

    I love this list, Harley!! (And I really liked your guest post.) A couple personal favorites I’d like to add:

    How old are you?

    Why are you still working?

    You shouldn’t be eating that.

    You probably can’t see it because you’re so big, but you have a stain right in the middle of your shirt. Thought you should know.

  • Eric says:

    You are funny. And crazy. And fortunately, my friend.

  • harleymay says:

    Anne, yes, censorship is a fickle thing. I should do more of it.

    Trish, it’s good you understand the pregnant lady fear. It’s not to be truffled with.

    Penelope, those are some good ones! I bet being as tiny as you are, you were an adorable pregnant lady.

    Eric, Thank you. I’m glad you consider yourself fortunate to be my friend. I think you’re crazy, too!

  • I’ll add to your list. When I was something like seven months pregnant, my husband told me I looked like a pot bellied pig.

    Yes. He actually said that. And I have never, and will never, let him live it down. In his defense, he thinks pot bellied pigs are cute, but that’s still inexcusable. Good thing he’s cute.

  • Patrick Alan says:

    Under the category of things you should never say around a pregnant woman:

    Doctor performing my wife’s C-section: “Oops.”

    Doctor looks at me.

    “I mean, huh… That’s unexpected.”

  • Tawna Fenske says:

    The only thing that terrifies me more than pregnant women is babies. Both are f**king freaky. Sorry, am I not supposed to say that here?

    Tawna

  • harleymay says:

    Stephanie, if you looked like a pot-bellied pig, than I’m afraid I have to side with your husband on this one. THEY ARE ADORABLE. You may shoot me if it makes you feel better.

    Patrick, I would have hit my doctor with a club if he’d said that. What?

    Tawna, thanks for commenting. Now, GET OUT! DON’T TOUCH THEIR BELLIES.

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